Sometimes it's tough to keep my lifestyle in perspective. Caring for the earth, prioritizing wellness, questioning our socialized patterns. There are so many reasons why people buy into the system so easily. We are marketed! Everywhere we turn we are told what to think and why to think it. We are made to fear natural processes. Where is the room for your own thoughts? If I weren't so persistent with researching, reading, questioning, looking for answers, where would I find the strength to resist the status quo? Shear stubbornness? Stubbornness without reason is stupidity. So there's that.
This morning I laid in bed thinking about this cesarean thing and I've decided that, unless there is an emergency, I am not having a cesarean. I have been under tons of pressure to have a planned cesarean because "that's what we do". Everyone wants to manage my pregnancy. They want to plan it out and avoid all risk. I have been made to feel like my child and I will most likely die horrible deaths if I don't have a planned cesarean. If I wait too long to have the baby removed it could suffocate! It finally clicked that the risk of uterine rupture associated with VBACs is a general risk during labor and does not change as time progresses. My doctors and midwives have been blending that risk with the risk of degraded placental performance after 42 weeks which is associated with normal pregnancies. The two aren't related and aren't enough to dissuade me from waiting it out. The baby will come when she is ready and I'll get myself to the hospital in a reasonable amount of time so that we can be monitored in case the worst happens (which it won't, but Chris will feel much better).
Then, I started getting angry with the last doctor I spoke with and the nurses and everyone. They keep saying "all that matters is a healthy baby and a healthy mom." Ya think? What they mean is "If you don't follow our guidance, you don't love yourself or your baby or your family." The audacity of the assumption hit me like a brick. It's my body and my baby! Of course I want us both to be healthy! But, I want to give birth, not have a tumor removed. What is so wrong with that?? In what other aspect of our lives do we walk around cringing at 1.5% risks? No where! We see the 98.5% chance of success and take those odds with confidence. Doctors give out prescriptions like candy knowing that there are risks of heart attacks, strokes, cancer, etc. and believing that those risks are acceptable. I guess I don't get it. They want me to believe that there is something wrong with my body and I just can't. I am in better health than most people I know. If they can do it, I can do it. Our grandmothers did it and so did theirs. So F em. Our bodies were designed to do this. I don't need to be induced or sliced open just because a timetable hasn't been met. My pregnancy does not need to be "managed". Surgically removing my child from my body because it is better for doctors is insanity. No thanks.
If it happens that I end up with an emergency cesarean, at least I will have undergone major surgery because of a tangible, immediate condition. I'll know it wasn't avoidable, protocol, or for the sake of convenience or paranoia.